CHW Hadassim Journal Entries

November 2024

The stress and anxiety created by the war are taking a serious toll on families. Parents are unequipped to deal with the behavioural issues and complex mental health challenges their children are grappling with. Tensions are high, creating rifts in relationships and marriages that are not easily fixed and violence in the home is at an all time high. Our Healing Young Minds campaign is addressing the critical issues around trauma recovery and PTSD treatment, as well as supporting education to provide hope for the future.

The Lea Zev Shilman & Joseph Zunia Shilman Therapeutic Programs at CHW Hadassim Children and Youth Village are supporting at-risk youth. The programs ensure children living in the dorms stay in contact with their parents through specialized therapy sessions and family excursions, while also receiving the emotional, social, and educational support they need to thrive.

Each week CHW Hadassim receives referrals from the Child Welfare Authority. One of those referrals was Adam, who arrived at Hadassim in 2020. Below we have shared journal entries from Adam’s four-year therapeutic journey, as a CHW Hadassim student, so you can better understand the challenging struggles that youth are experiencing. You can also read a thank you letter from Adam’s mother – click here.

ENTRY #1

October 12, 2020

So last week, I got to Hadassim. I didn’t want to come, but I can’t be in the house any more. Mom and Dad are always fighting about stuff like Dad not having a job and how much money they owe. It’s like, just figure it out, you’re both adults!

Then it got really bad. The neighbors had to call the cops because Dad started throwing things around and hitting Mom. I hid my little brother in our room because he was so freaked out by all the noise. It was so loud, and I couldn’t even focus, I was just trying to keep my brother calm and get through it.

Finally, they took Dad away and I didn’t even know what to think. It was just too much.

So now I’m here. It’s all green and stuff with trees everywhere. The people are super nice, like too nice. They want me to get to know me, but I don’t know why. They said I’ll feel better if I talk, like therapy. I guess I’m messed up or something. They said I should start by writing in a journal, so here I am. They said I should write how I feel.

I just feel really mad. Like why can’t my house be like everyone else’s? I don’t know, nothing makes sense right now. Everything is all messed up. I feel messed up.

Entry #2

November 28, 2020

So I’ve been here at Hadassim for like a month. It’s just grass and trees and buildings and people. It doesn’t feel like home. I miss my room, my friends, and all my stuff.

I’ve been seeing the therapist every week, and she keeps saying I need to write in this journal. She’s nice and all, but it just feels like more homework!!!! Ugh, how is this helping?!!

I’m still super mad that my mom and dad dragged me into their fights. Even though I’m here, it’s like they’re still in my head, arguing and making everything worse.

I met some of the kids in my dorm who came here for the same reasons. They say their parents are messed up too, but I don’t want to always talk about my family. It makes me sad and angry at the same time. I feel alone all the time even though there are so many other kids around. Why can’t adults just be better parents. It’s just… frustrating!!! Why do they mess things up and now I have to be here??? I feel like I’m being punished. I hate them! They’re so screwed up.

I can’t seem to concentrate, even in class. Every time the teacher talks, all I hear is blah, blah, blah. And the teachers ask me why I’m always late, and I feel bad because I don’t know. I’m tired a lot. I don’t even know why. The therapist asked me about it too, but I just snapped at her. I told her to leave me alone. She says she wants to help me, but I still feel so alone.

At least here nobody is yelling at me.

ENTRY #3

June 1, 2021

I can’t believe I’m almost finished my first year of school at Hadassim. I flipped back through the pages in here and I can’t believe all the stuff I wrote. Unreal. It was rough at the beginning and now I feel so different, it’s crazy.

Two months ago, when Shira my therapist helped me get diagnosed with ADHD, I remember thinking what’s the point??!! Nothing is going to change. I’m still going to be angry and want to smash things and ruin anything good around me. Now I’m on these meds and I don’t get in trouble for fighting or talking back to my teachers, and my grades are actually pretty good. I literally thought I was dumb and sucked at school, but now I realize my ADHD was just messing me up.

I was picked to be the group leader for our class project, and I actually took it seriously for once. I care about getting my homework done and want to get a good mark for me and my friends. It’s like, now that I don’t feel so mad all the time, I have some space in my brain for other things.

I’m still so pissed off at my parents, and I still freak out sometimes, like there’s a monster who takes over my body and yells, and then afterwards I don’t know why it all happened.

Shira still wants me writing in this, but she said I don’t have to do it every single day. I’m kinda used to it now though. She wants me to talk about how I’m feeling, like when I’m pissed off or sad. She said I’ll feel better if I “talk about it.” That’s like her favourite thing to say. I’m going to start some new kind of therapy in September, something with animals, which sounds pretty cool because animals can’t talk and I am tired of always talking about how I feel.

ENTRY #4

June 15, 2022

This is the first time I’ve written in my journal in maybe over a week. I’ve been so busy with all the end of school stuff. I’m going to stay here over summer like I did last year, but this year will be waaaaay better because some of my friends are going to be around. I’ve already been staying here most weekends, so I’m pretty used to this place now.

The dog therapy Shira hooked me up with has been better than I thought. In the beginning, I was like, I just pet dogs for an hour every day? HOW WILL THAT HELP ME??!! But after a few weeks of daily pup hangouts, I realized that no matter how pissed off I was when I arrived, the dog always calmed me down. I talked to the dog about all the stuff going on and the dog just sat there looking cute. I was like oooooh “therapy” dogs, NOW I get it, lol.

After being at Hadassim for so long, it’s starting to feel like home to me. I don’t feel as anxious or pissed off these days because I know the people here actually want to help me. And they aren’t letting me blame my stupid parents for everything I do anymore. Shira says I have to “take responsibility” for myself, even when I do something shitty. It’s like, oh, maybe now I have some control over the way I act.

A few months ago, my mom started going to therapy, sometimes with Shira, sometimes with some other parents. After a few sessions, she called me up and actually apologized!!!! I was like, WHAT is happening??? Next year we are going to get to do some of the family therapy things and I think it might actually not completely suck.

ENTRY #5

November 21, 2023

With everything going on because of the war, it’s sometimes hard for me to write in my journal these days. Hadassim still feels like a safe place to be, which is crazy after everything that’s happened, but it’s true. We even have some kids from the north staying here because their families were evacuated and had nowhere safe to go. I actually brought one of them to meet my therapy dog and she looked so happy petting the dog, it made me think I’m actually kinda lucky to be here.

I’ve been doing more therapy now with my mom. I was doing it by myself with Shira for like TWO YEARS but now my mom gets to come to some too. Shira said I finally figured out how to “talk it out” which meant I was ready to listen to my mom’s side of things. It was really hard the first few sessions, and sometimes I still can’t understand her, but at least I’m not so pissed off at her anymore.

Me and my mom even hung out a few times outside of school. We went shopping together, and she took me out to lunch with my little brother. But since the war started, we have been doing these group family things at Hadassim, like playing games and baking together. It’s actually pretty fun. I laughed so hard playing Rummikub with my brother that I ALMOST forgot there was a war happening.

When I have a session with Shira now, I mostly talk about how scary the war is. Even though we all feel stressed out, I always feel a little better after my session. Like, we are all in the same place at the same time and it’s okay for us to be freaked out. Me and my friends talk about it a lot too. I wish the war could be over, but at least I’m glad we are here at Hadassim together.

 

If you would like to donate to the campaign and support at-risk youth like Adam, please click here.